Saturday, April 11, 2009
Ronin that traitor
Ronin needs money, Ronin knows i have this weird, sick, like/love/need, something for him and hes learning how to play me, and I don't like it. He asked me for money, for a loan, and I said that I would give him part of the money, as his birthday present, and in return, he must never call me, speak to me or text me again. Why cant I have someone like him love me and why do I feel the way I do about him. I havent even held his hand and its like I need him. I went from being the most independant hard ass to texting my friends for advice on the most mundane decisions of my life. Not sure what I will do about Ronin, I love him, but I cant have him asking me for money because everyone knows Scarlet loves her money more then anything. Anything else, I would do, but money, money changes everything. Im tempted to take him out for his birthday, give him the money and cut him loose. Except. that i need a guy who doesnt want me. thats it. I need a guy who is oblivious to me. I needa guy that I cant fall in love with. Thats what I like about him. I know hes not just looking for sex, cause we aint had it, cause hes bi, and because I dont think im his type, I m way too old for him, all his gfs were younger then him. I need someone who is non-judgemental and accepts me for me. But I cant have someone who uses me. If Ronin played his cards right, he could so fucking have me, but, who knows?