Saturday, May 9, 2009

This is the deal, if I put a post on craigs list looking for a man with a big cock, why the fuck would u respond if u are 3 inches, and why would i be soo stupid at to not check it out before hand? The worst fucking lay, it does not get any worse then tonight

Friday, May 8, 2009

tears again

I feel like I shit, but im listening to 'what a man' by whoever, and the tears i felt have been replaced by anger. Im getting my tat tonight and who a fuck about that cocksucker fucking Clint that fucker. I hate that prick. Its fucking over, I am so fucking over that peice of shit, fuck him. my dinner is sitting there, not eaten, thats how I lost so much weight, fighting with fuckers while im eating, hes all pissed cause i couldnt come over tonight, i work 2 fucking jobs, I have a house and a husband and a kid and I DIDNT COME LAST TIME! In im no hurry to fuck him and listen to him tell me how he wants to come in my ass and in my pussy and in my mouth and I dont know who the fuck he has been fucking, but
im pissed now, fucker
hes history

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

its late

and I cant sleep, and I feel like im floating in an ocean with no direction. Why, am I chasing Mike? There is absolutely no redeeming quality about him, none, not a one. Im tired of chasing men. So tired. The last two lays i had, I didnt come. Im in no hurry to see either again, and as a matter of fact, I probably will not see either. Clint and Troy. HMmmmmmm. As for Mike, what am i doing, its exhausting putting all the effort in, and for what, nothing, I cant take it anymore, time to cut him loose. Every time we were together I couldnt help but feel like the worlds biggest annoyance, biggest pain in the ass, biggest bother, hmmm, id rather be alone. what to do now, I think Ill back out gracefully, its going to require some strategy.

Monday, April 27, 2009

my bleeding fucking heart

i only write in you when my heart is broken, what the fuck is wrong with me? Damn, am i just impatient or too easily slighted? The last person who stood me up, I never ever actually met him. And tonight, my fucking heart is hurting, dammit. Why did he do that, why did he change the place we were meeting and then text me, when I was waiting for him in the subway and I couldnt get reception? After I sent him fucking texts and we agreed as to where we were meeting? Why? Why do I have such low fucking self esteem that I thought he blew me off? Why did I let him hurt me? And now, me, who has major trust issues, my trust for him is in the fucking negatives. My heart, which is this really beautiful, loving open caring wonderful thing, has closed up and jumped back into my chest, and I feel so closed and tight, I feel scared, who knows, maybe we will never speak again. Who cares, life is all about getting fucked anyway, everytime this happens, I say never again, and now, its like, i know there is someone waiting in the wings, this customer from the store who i ve been crushing on for the last 5 years, 5 years, gave me his digits on Saturday past, after I told him that my hubby and I slept in diifferent beds for the last 5 years. I fucking love that guy, i would love to be in his circle cause he is extraordinary, his name is Andres.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

im in deep

Every week, its someone else, I admit it, im fickle and i jump, but the common denominator is that I never slept with any of the guys im in love with, except Clint. Not with Ronin, not with Anthony, not with Ummar, not with the other one, not with the first Anthony, ok, i take that back, and Theo. I dont think that was love. So this guy, I am in huge trouble because I am breaking every rule in the book and the thing is that I think he feels the same way about me, and I dont want to hurt him, more then anything, but I like him sooo much. I cant even think about having sex with him, we dont even talk about it, I told him not to let me, and when I do, he stops me. what is it? I have what I want, in my hand, and still I search, what is wrong with me? I have Troy, and still, Im looking for love, im going to end up burning myself badly. This guy, when I analyze and think, I know Im living in a fools paradise, and thats why I have to keep chasing guys, so Ill have a fallback. And the problem is that I am so fucking ambivalent, I almost dumped him, and then I swallowed my pride and apologized, even though I wanted to walk away, and I would have but.... theres something about him. I just want to make love to him, I want to lay beside him in bed, I want to be a part of his life, but his/our secret other life. Its so unlikely and yet, i hope. I tell my self, just take every day, enjoy every minute, cause it wont last forever.

an email to me

I'm guessing you're not one for saying much unless much is said. Based on the no-reply from you .

I want to take you into the hotel have a couple of drinks of what ever it is you like to drink.

After that I'll move up close to you slowly start kissing you while feeling your body underneath your clothing. Then as I take your top off and remove your bra with the snap of my fingers behind you. Once your bra is off I would then begin to share with you my talent I've been told I have with breast.

Once I get you wet I'll remove your bottoms message your pussy with my hand and fingers. Slowly working my cock closer and closer to your pussy. Then I'll rub my cock up and down your pussy until you tell my put it in! I work it into you slowly and slowly moving up to a faster and faster pace. In order to get a deep as I can in you I will like your lefts and place them on my shoulder penetrating as deep as I can into you making your scream "Oh God". Once I find that we need to change it up I would really love to get you in a doggy style. So I'll have you stand on the ground and bend over on the bed while I thrust deeply into you.

There is more to the store but this is all I can say today without getting myself too horny for you.

Look forward to hearing back from you.


The Kiss
It may be a cheek touch, or it may be a european kiss, one on each side, or it may be the sweetest kiss of all, mouth to mouth, eyes closed, everything happening at once- you once said that time is relative, having your hand in boiling water for five seconds can seem like an hour, but making love for an hour can seem like 5 seconds. Would time stop, stand still, when out lips met? I want to remember it forever, however sweet the first kiss will be, its the second kiss, that will be the one that you will remember.
The Second Kiss
Ill tell you, dont do anything, just feel me kiss you. And you will lean down and close your eyes, and i will kiss your lips, I will touch your face with my hand, and you will smell my hair and taste my tongue, all minty and fresh, you will feel me as I gently enter you, and I know that you will think that there is nothing like this. There will be none of the roughness, the passion, the tongue down the back of my throat kissing that I love so much, it will be soft and gentle, and when I feel you wanting me, I will pull back and leave you longing.