Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Wasteland

So. tomorrow is a new month, April, and i officially will turn over a new leaf. Ronin is gone, there is no getting over that fact, I cant get around it. I will get fucked by Troy tomorrow, I cant wait, nice, hot banging with his large cock. Yummy. Ive decided that other then Troy, I am no longer going to even attempt to sleep with guys more then once. Waste of time, just move on the the next one. Will be putting a posting this weekend on craigs list lookking for a pringle's can to fuck. I would like to experience a very big cock and see how that feels. Of course, they will have to provide pics and perhaps a cam wank. CT is gone too, that was a real disapointment. I would have really like to fuck him again but cest la vie. My twitter page is such a good place to randomly dump my thoughts about life and guys. Whats next, well, there are still my subbie boys, but I need to seriously get into the scene, Im tired of my suburban existance. Goals: get a bf before summer is here, two, get a tat, should I get one that says mistress scarlet? Damn, its hard cause tats remind me of Ronin. Iwish I hada fucked him, but, chances are that Iwould be feeling way the fuck worse about now.
hmmmm what to do?

Monday, March 30, 2009


I was really drunk when I wrote that. I do not love Ronin, I do not love any guy, especially given the fact that Ronan is incommunicado. I have many other guys who would like a kick at the can, but its soo hard when u like someone. Anyway, Ronin is fast tracking out of my life, amongst other wastes of time. The CT situation, best lay, but I will call that fucker one more time and then that is it. He doesnt seem to be interested in me or in sex with me, sooooo. Who else is getting a one way ticket? Jack, hot as he is, see yah. Um, hmm, Jason is barely hanging on, if it wasnt for his mamouth cock.... Ben, he has his own place, but i havent done anything with him, hes in a holding pattern. Chad, time to cut him lose, he has a gf and just doesnt have time for me. New guy Maurizio, promising, the sub pasture, filling up with nice boys, time to find a boyfriend. Date tonight, why did I say yes damnit, who knows, lets see.

Saturday, March 28, 2009


I love him so much, I want to make love to him so badly, I want to feel him inside me, I want to feel him on top of me, Damn, why do i love him soooo much, my heart bleeds for him, those golden dreams, i just want to touch him, to kiss him, to love him, Ronin, I love u sooo much .

Friday, March 27, 2009


Sleeping with him, is like playing hot potato with a loaded gun. Especially with no condom. I like to live dangerously, but this, this is ridiculous. But I cant help myself. If feels so good, skin to skin. Damn, the way he tastes, Im overwhelmed. Every sense is heightened. The music is so soft, nothing can come between us. He is telling me how much he is loving it, and I am touching every inch of his skin, thinking, it will never be any better then this. I cant hold it and Im begging him, can I come babe please and before he can say yes, I am moaning please baby please baby please baby, and it is to intense. And then he is climaxing in me, I can hear him, and feel it, and I think, we are one.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I look at him, in his blue eyes and I'm so scared and vulnerable, and I say 'baby, please don't hurt me'. Its so obvious that I am in way over my head, that I'm barely keeping my face above water, but still, I just want to disappear inside him. I never want to leave this bed, this room, his side. I want to become a part of him, and then, I want to run. I m terrified that everything I know, and everything I have, and everything that is me will be gone. Its not about having sex, its about surrendering totally, because, it means he will be my master and I will be his slave. How could I give myself to him? Its a scary thought. He takes off my pants, and I just crawl up into a ball, and he looks at me and whispers 'Ill take care of you' and gently parts my legs. He undoes his pants, lowers them, and I dont look, I ve seen it before. He lowers himself onto me, and i put my hand on the tatoos on his chest, and I feel him enter me, and I listen to him quitely saying the words he knows i want to hear, and I feel my heart breaking. I grab him and pull him down on top of me, and I kiss him so hard and so deeply. I can feel my fingers digging in his back, as my climax builds.
Ronin, if I made love to him, this is how it would be. I would be laying on his bed, and he would be sitting beside me, with his laptop, playing music. He would shut it, and start playing with my hair, pulling the band out, pulling it back straight. And then, he would lean over and kiss me, and I would feel his razor stubble. It would be so gentle that I would barely feel it, and my mind would be so conflicted that I would just have to turn it off and live in the moment. I would open my eyes and look into his, and then I would feel his tongue, as it made its way inside. Everything would fall away, like leaves from a tree, and I would think I dont care, the time is right and the time is now. His face goes down to my chest, and I undid my buttons and lift my bra over my breasts, letting them out, in all their hugeness, with their large pink nipples. He takes one, holds it, and sucks it, deeply, like a hungry baby. I feel my clit get so hard, and I pull him toward me, while he grabs the other and pinches it, hard. I moan, not sure if its from the pain or the pleasure, and say no baby.
He gets up, pulls off his shirt, and I see his naked chest, and I know why I love himmmm so much .

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


damn, my heart is bleeding for you, and I just want to be with you but I cant, u need to land on your own two feet babe, ur a survivor, ull be fine, im blowing good karma your way

ronin- his life in 6 words

i need money, send some now Damn i love that guy, he should ask whoever he just fucked for the last three days for money, i bet she doesnt have any