Monday, April 27, 2009

my bleeding fucking heart

i only write in you when my heart is broken, what the fuck is wrong with me? Damn, am i just impatient or too easily slighted? The last person who stood me up, I never ever actually met him. And tonight, my fucking heart is hurting, dammit. Why did he do that, why did he change the place we were meeting and then text me, when I was waiting for him in the subway and I couldnt get reception? After I sent him fucking texts and we agreed as to where we were meeting? Why? Why do I have such low fucking self esteem that I thought he blew me off? Why did I let him hurt me? And now, me, who has major trust issues, my trust for him is in the fucking negatives. My heart, which is this really beautiful, loving open caring wonderful thing, has closed up and jumped back into my chest, and I feel so closed and tight, I feel scared, who knows, maybe we will never speak again. Who cares, life is all about getting fucked anyway, everytime this happens, I say never again, and now, its like, i know there is someone waiting in the wings, this customer from the store who i ve been crushing on for the last 5 years, 5 years, gave me his digits on Saturday past, after I told him that my hubby and I slept in diifferent beds for the last 5 years. I fucking love that guy, i would love to be in his circle cause he is extraordinary, his name is Andres.

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